Gratitude when things are hard

Happy Thanksgiving!

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I don’t know about you, but gratitude - the general advice to BE GRATEFUL at all times - can rub me the wrong way, especially when things are hard.

Gratitude can feel like another way I am failing. Another way to beat myself up.

Why am I so sad when I am so #blessed? Why am I experiencing mom rage when I have so many genuinely huge gifts in my life? Why can’t I just suck it up and be grateful, damnit?

What helps me is the reminder that I can feel multiple things at one time. Or as Dr. Becky says, two things are true.

I can be grateful and exhausted.

Grateful and scared, sad, and resentful. Happy and overwhelmed. Stressed and hopeful. Part of being human is having all the feelings, the ones we label as good and the ones that we label as bad.

I recently celebrated 11 years (!!!) in recovery from my eating disorder. Part of what my eating disorder did was provide distraction from these big feelings. Recovery means I walk through them even when I have to sit on the toilet and cry sometimes, because the only way out is through.

Once I drop the expectation that I must go around feeling 100% grateful at all times, I can get in touch with that deep-in-my-bones joy that I have a wildly incredible family, that the river shimmers in the sunlight as if it’s dancing, that my morning coffee tastes amazing, that my home is cozy, that we have a place nearby that makes just spicy enough, super satisfying Thai green curry, that I get to do what I love for work, that my scarf is soft, that I’m doing a jigsaw puzzle of a dog park these days, etc.

I have so much gratitude when I don’t force it, when I don’t use it as a tool to bludgeon myself.

I am grateful for you!

I hope you let yourself feel grateful exactly in the proportion, time, and way that feels right. Or not!

I hope you have a joyful holiday surrounded by people who you love and who love you a whole lot.

Happy Thanksgiving!

xo,

H

PS One year ago today, we came home from the hospital with baby Julius <3

Here he is in the crib my dad made for me when I was a baby, just a few days old!