Slower + lower expectations

What's resonating right now

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I usually go for a longish morning walk with Ace, our maltipoo who just turned six. Happy birthday Ace! But this morning is so cold and gray and windy (my weather app says it feels like 5 degrees F); he wasn’t interested. I’m writing from my couch with a coffee and a water and Ace cuddled up with me.

Usually, I would tidy the house first from the hurricane that is my kids and then sit at my desk and start to work. But I am practicing listening to my own inspiration. I am practicing leaving things undone, or not yet done.

I’ve been noticing that when something is resonating with me, when something feels big and meaningful, it shows up a lot.

We need to keep revisiting something before it sticks.

We need to examine it from different angles.

We need that rhythmic satisfaction of repetition.

I chose ABUNDANCE as my word for 2025 and promptly found it popping up everywhere. Ezra Klein, whose podcast I love, has a book called Abundance coming out next month. My favorite astrologer Chani Nicholas says the week ahead is going to be marked by abundance and depth (bring it). In newsletters and books and billboards, I keep catching glimpses of that word, my word. Abundance is abundant!

GO SLOW

I’ve been getting another message recently: slow down.

I’ve heard it at meetings, from friends, from that still, small voice in my own head/heart.

What does is mean to slow down?

Slowing down does not come naturally to me. I walk fast (so many years in NYC), I think fast, I write fast, I respond fast, my clients say “thank you for such a quick reply” or “thank you for the speedy turnaround!” I am famously impatient. Why the wait? Why can’t it just happen NOW?

But things take time, have their own timeline that no amount of nudging, wishing, prodding, or bubbling with frustration can change. For example, if you want to have a baby tomorrow, tough luck. It takes nine-ish months. Rushing is futile.

I practiced a lot of rushing during the early days of COVID and brand new motherhood. We had such limited childcare and I had, say, a two-hour chunk of time in which to get a whole day of work done. And oftentimes, I managed, I did it. But I felt like a hamster on a wheel, running, running, running. Sometimes, a sprint is a worthy tool in a toolbox, but it’s a depleting way to live for the longterm.

I don’t think slamming on the breaks of my life is realistic or necessary, but I’m trying to insert some slow moments. I started to put in more buffer time around tasks, from school drop-off to packing for a trip, to make the whole experience feel less stressful. Highly recommend! I joined an amazing group of women rethinking motherhood and ambition and hustle culture, the Wise Women’s Council, and of course I heard this big message there, too, about slowing down. I also had the revelation that a buffer could be more than an extra 15 minutes to get my kids out the door. It could be an extra day each week for the inevitable sicknesses and snow days. It could be an extra week each quarter, or a buffer month in the year. (Mind blown.)

I’m adding a little white space in my calendar.

I’m trying to sit with the discomfort of a task unfinished, laundry unfolded, an email unanswered. This takes an element of trust in myself that I will get there without task-mastering myself to robot-ish oblivion.

If I wait for all the things to be done before I relax and enjoy my life I will never relax and enjoy my life.

Maybe time could feel a little more…abundant.

Life is too beautiful to rush through.

LOWER MY EXPECTATIONS

This is my favorite parenting tool of the moment! I have been finding the afterschool hours, after picking up my 3 and 4 year-old from preschool, pretty draining and overstimulating. Apparently after school restraint collapse is a real thing, and it’s certainly real in my house. Everyone is hangry and touchy and tired and there is usually a lot of screaming/crying/fighting. I’m often on my own as Tony has a long commute, and I’m trying to get everyone fed and maybe bathed and backpacks unpacked with some semblance of sanity, and it’s hard.

A little story about Julius.

On February 13, Ace turned 6.

Julius was so excited. He even made Ace a card at school! (How cute?)

But then at home, he melted down. Where was the cake and the balloons? Where were the friends and the presents? Poor, sweet Julius was expecting a proper party for Ace, and we didn’t have anything planned. We thought we had some doggy ice cream in the freezer but it was ancient and I had thrown it away in a recent purge.

Back to my own expectations: while talking to a mom friend, she asked what I anticipated after school. I think somewhere in my brain I had an image of cooking delicious dinner peacefully while the kids played happily. Maybe some good, gently upbeat music in the background. Everyone sharing about their days and reconnecting.

Ha!

Those things absolutely happen!

But I think because I have been wanting them so badly, it’s been hard when the reality is a lot more emotionally turbulent and at a significantly higher decibel level.

Setting the bar lower has helped me so much.

These days, I come ready for tears, squabbles, dinner being emphatically refused, bath water being squirted in my face via rubber ducky, etc. And then when we do have some laughs, some cuddles, the rare consumption of a vegetable, it’s AMAZING. It’s glorious. I can really appreciate it.

Julius moved on from his disappointment. Maybe next year, we’ll throw Ace a bash. He’s such a good boy, he deserves it.

Today is cold, but I’m going to put on my 17 layers and go for a walk.

Spring is coming, but I’m not trying to rush through winter.

I’m not trying to rush through today.

xo,

Hannah